Channeling
by UltraM2000
Summary: A script during which a certain girl has to explain some VERY strange behaviour. Otherwise known as an exercise in fangirlism.


This is a script...or rather, one of those exercises in fangirlism. It really will be put into use...providing that the people in charge allow it...;)  
  
CHANNELING by UltraM2000  
  
Konnichiwa, minasan! I am UltraM2000!  
  
(remove glasses)  
  
And I am Sha Gojyo. You ladies, however, may call me anything your heart desires.  
  
(Sigh) Ground rules, Gojyo, ground rules…You know what lies in store if you break those ground rules…  
  
Cheh!  
  
Well, minna, there's an explanation for all of this, strange as it may seem…  
  
And since it's this girl's fault, SHE'LL be telling the story.  
  
MY fault?! (splutter) All right, all right, I suppose it IS my fault. I was conducting this séance last night, but it didn't turn out too well. In fact, it went something like THIS.  
  
*  
  
(kneel)  
  
I now summon the spirits of Saiyuki, to help me in my conquest of AXN Anime Festival! (chant) Xiiiii Youuuu Jii….Tang Sanzaaaaaang….Sun Wukoooooooong…Zhuuuu Bajieeeeee…. Sha Wujiiiiiiiingggg…(sneeze)  
  
Ah, sumimasen, minasan! I appear to have caught a…(rubs nose) (looks down at finger) cold? (inspects body very gently and scientifically) Ano, chotto matte kudasai…I do not remember possessing a set of…breasts.  
  
(blink) (squeal) (glomp self) Hakkai-samaaaaa!!! Eeeeeeeh!!! (fall over)  
  
Aaaaah! (picks self up) (pries arms away)  
  
Ah, gomen! I got carried away! ^_^  
  
Sumimasen desu kedo, miss, but…who are you, and what has happened to the both of us?  
  
Oh, I'm UltraM2000! I'm a big fan of yours! (clasp hands) (look privately adoring) I wanted to conduct a séance, but if I don't see your spirit…that means I accidentally TOOK IN your soul. Oh dear. That's very bad.  
  
It is indeed, M2000-san. You see, you called my soul out when I was driving Hakuryuu. On a cliff-side. At night.  
  
Oh no! I'd better send you back then! I'm so sorry for the inconvenience!  
  
Daijoubu…tabun…  
  
Yosh! (concentrate) (sneeze) (whip-turn to right)  
  
Oi, Hakkai! Watch where you're driving, will—(double take at feet, forehead, shoulders) (Slow turn.) All right…just WHAT IN THE Fmmmmph! Mmmpghh!!! (shut self up) (forcibly remove hand.) Who the hell are you?  
  
I'm M2000, Sanzo-sama!  
  
You! (point to own nose) You're working for Kougaiji!  
  
Am not! Why would I work for Sa-ku-ra-gi Ha-na-mi-chi, ah?  
  
…Who?  
  
Never mind! The important thing is I was conducting a séance, and I took it a little too far with Hakkai. Now will you get out?  
  
And just how do you expect me to accomplish that? You're supposed to let ME out!  
  
I dunno! You're the high-ranked bouzu! Or have all those beers pickled your brain?  
  
(click) Sonna ni shinitee ka, kisama wa?  
  
I am not a 'kisama' (push hand down) And I didn't summon your gun to come with you. Thank goodness. Look, I'm running out of juice to keep summoning spirits anyway. Let's try and pull this off together.  
  
Hn. On basara tan kan man unkyaku un on kiri kiri on kiri kiri…  
  
Uh…Abracadabra alakazam phantasmagorica chocolate and peanut butter…  
  
…Man takara on ma ni hatsu mei UN (sneeze)  
  
Phew! That worked, but now…aaa,   
  
Hara suggoku heta nan da yo! Naa, San—(turns to side) (react)(bawl at crowd.) SANZOOOO!!! SANZOOO!!! SANmmph! (clap hand over mouth) (Finger to lip) (Nod) (Release.) Who're you? What have you done to Sanzo?!  
  
(sigh) For the third time today, my name's UltraM2000. I was conducting a séance and I accidentally sucked up Hakkai's soul and then Sanzo's. Now will you go back?  
  
I'm hungry, though! I don't wanna go back hungry! Can I have some food?  
  
No.  
  
Aw come on. I know you have food. I smell it.  
  
NO.  
  
Please? Please please please with sugar on top?  
  
…What part of no is so hard to get?!  
  
Ch'. Ke-chi. (pause, rummage in shirt)  
  
Oi! (grab hand, stare at it) You're worse than Gojyo!!!  
  
(points) Aren't those nikuman?  
  
…No, Goku. They're not meatbuns.  
  
Then what are they?  
  
Ask Gojyo. Now please go back!  
  
But I'm hungryyyy! Pleeeease, M2000, please gimme something to eat…Ne, ne, ne, M2000, M2000-tte-ba!  
  
ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT! Sheez, the things I hafta do…(swallow candy) THERE! I fed you! Now ya happy?  
  
Sankyuu! Now how do I get back? Oh, I get it!   
  
(sneeze) (turn round)  
  
Good lord, I don't think I can repel another spirit for tonight's séance…(self-molestation) (scream) (grab hand) Ooooooooohhhhhhh nuts.  
  
(grope) Hmm. Nice set of legs, and nice arms, but…(looks down singlet) Sorely missing in one department. (slap) Ow!!! What the!  
  
Quit staring down my shirt, stupid Gojyo!  
  
YOUR shirt?! This is MY shirt! Who're you, and what the hell kinda trick you playing here?!  
  
(terse) M2000. Séance. Mistake. Hakkai. Sanzo. Goku. You. Now get out! I like you, but I don't want to share my body with an erogappa!  
  
As if I want to stay here. If I was a woman, I'd definitely have a better set of…  
  
GOJYO!   
  
Touchy subject, eh?  
  
(tiredly) Does it show? You're going back. (concentrate, chant) OK, you're probably NOT going back.  
  
*  
  
And that, folks, is why I'm stuck in M2000's body. With the hair, and with the glasses. (flick hair, flick glasses). I can't say I miss the carrot-top look, though.  
  
He's only going to be here until the next full moon! And while he's in my body, I've set certain ground rules. No smoking, no drinking, no messing up my room, and…(walk walk walk)  
  
(hit on random lady) I wasn't aware the goddess of love was paying this place a visit. What say you I take you out later? I need someone to introduce me to the…night life…  
  
(earpull) AND NO HITTING ON GIRLS! Sheesh, Gojyo!  
  
…You have no sense of fun (from the pelvis down), M2000.  
  
I'm 16. I write fluffy fanfic. Live with it! Besides, if you DON'T obey those ground rules, you know that your habits also transferred over to me. Now who wants to know what Gojyo wears under those pants?!  
  
(shake head) Ahahahaha, kekkou desu. (shudder) Creepy child.  
  
This is going to be really interesting when school starts again on Monday.  
  
Na, M2000-chan. You said you study in Assunta, right? A girls' school?  
  
100%.  
  
OoooOOO. Things are going to get VERY interesting. (eyebrow dance)  
  
…Or I'll just take sick leave for the next two weeks. 


End file.
